As a young, educated, Black woman I have never been found of the term hater. I have never liked the sayings, shout out to my haters, I love my haters, or my haters motivate me. The reason being was because in my life I have always had support systems, I was genuinely like-able, and because people often liked me they usually supported my goals and aspirations. So I never had real experiences with haters. I had a few people over the years who didn't like me for meaningless reasons, and yes some of them even went out of their way to try and make my life a living a hell. But as previously stated, these malicious acts were done over meaningless reasons that I genuinely didn't care that much about. The only thing that would bother me at that time was how individuals would put so much effort into dragging your name through the mud over things that just weren't of importance to yourself. So I will admit, that I thought many people who claimed they had haters were ignorant, and usually most of the time weren't worth hating on. But then things started to happen that removed the rose colored glasses from eyes and revealed to me that haters, do in fact exist.
So what is a hater. A hater is someone who puts a lot of negative attention on you not because you have done anything wrong to them, but mainly because you are making success and power moves that they have failed to make in their own lives, and so because they have not given themselves permission to dominate their own lives, they try to keep you down in the slumps where they are. A visual of how this would work would be to look at crabs in a barrel. As soon as one crabs starts heading to the top of the barrel to escape, another crab will drag him back down. So a hater's sole purpose is to try and bring you down a notch instead of also pursuing to reach higher levels in life. They typically like to claim that they are working toward pursuing goals of some sort, and they often like to brag on the little accomplishments they have made at every chance they get to the person that they're hating on as if it's supposed to insult them in some way, but in general they aren't really doing much to get worked up over even if you by chance was a hater yourself. Now I want you to keep in mind that specific haters come and go, especially people that really have no significance in your life, but the point is that haters come, and many of them can end up being friends and family. The trouble here is that if you're not cautious, one day you can find yourself surrounded by them, and that is where dreams die if you let them.
So I will tell you a little bit about some of the experiences I've had over the past year when it comes to haters. The haters I've had fortunately have not come from my family, mine sadly have come from friends, or at least people that I thought were friends. The reason why I say I thought they were friends is because I like to consider myself as a good friend. And as a good friend, if someone I'm friends with decides to do something that I don't believe is the best thing to do but they're all for it and enthusiastic, I won't try to convince them to see things my way. I may ask them a few questions to see if they're sure that's what they really want to do but I will not lecture them or try to minimize their efforts. I treat people like that because I know that though I may not agree, as their friend they still will need my support, and also as their friend, if I believe its a bad idea and they don't, I have to give them room to learn from their mistakes and crash and burn if they have to. Why? Because that is their life. It's their journey to make, and in all honesty their personal decisions really doesn't have too much effect on my life, and so I don't need to be stressed over their actions. Some of my friends on the other hand will not do that. They will ask me questions about my endeavors to try and instill doubt. And when that doesn't work then they will try and lecture me about why MY decisions concerning MY life is wrong to THEM. And then when that doesn't work, if I happen to mention my endeavors around them, they immediately get upset and then try to start debates, or they try to minimize it as if its not important and will try to talk me into activities that will take my focus away from achieving my goals. Now going through these things with people that you really care about can be very disheartening. Many people have told me that these individuals do these things because they either don't understand your goals and so mistrust it, or they're trying to protect you from failure. But one thing I've learned in times like this is that neither of these reasons are true. Yes, people when they don't understand certain concepts they will tend to dislike it without reason and mistrust it. And yes, people genuinely would like to protect their loved ones form certain things. But what I have come to learn is that EGO is one hell of a personal demon. The way these people are behaving has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. If someone does not understand the goals of a loved one, it is their responsibility to gain perspective on it so that they can then support them. Refusing to hear the person out and see their perspective shows the lack of love and respect you have for that person. And when people use the argument that loved ones are trying to protect you, understand that in those situations that is not love. That is control. Your loved is one is trying to control your behaviors. Why? So that they will not feel uncomfortable about what is going on in their own life. I'll use the analogy of a strict, conservative parent. A strict, conservative parent most likely will not feel comfortable allowing their young teenage daughter to go to a party. The idea of their child possibly drinking and partaking in sexual activities is an uneasy one. In this situation many of us could agree that the parent may not be seen in too bad of light because they are genuinely concerned for their child's safety and have acted in a reasonable manner. But what if that teenage daughter gets older and wants to go off to college and now the parents feel that instead of going off to college, their daughter should stay at home and attend community college so that way they can still enact control because it makes them more comfortable being able to know what their daughter is doing at all times so that may feel comfortable. Many of us would think that a decision like that was outrageous because now the parents are greatly hindering the child's opportunities for success and growth. Now the child upon reaching adulthood, still has a great dependence on their parents, and has little to no chance to achieve many of their goals and aspirations. But what's more disturbing is that the child has now come to terms with the reality of being unsuccessful and will no longer strive to be more than average. This is what many of our friends and family are doing to us, but you have to ask yourself if these "acts of love" are justified if it kills your passions in life.
When this starts to happen you definitely need to find a new support system. People who not only understand and wish to support you in your endeavors, but whole-heartedly wishes to see you succeed in them. Get with these people for they will build you up and breathe life into you when you stumble or forget to look at the bigger picture when faced with obstacle, after obstacle along your journey. So no this is not Drake's all me because even though Drake claims he came up by himself, we all know there were those who had to help him along the way. And to get where you dream to be there will be those that bring you up as well.
Now I will also say real quick, the road to success is not easy, but if gets you to where you want to go then its definitely worth it. Don't worry about the haters who just talk bad about you because they wish they had the courage to pursue their goals like you pursue yours, and don't become disheartened when friends and family turn to enemies in a way from lack of support and understanding. Yes the latter situation hurts a whole hell of a lot more than the former, but all of this is reshaping you to become a divine essence of yourself. Its forcing you to tap into your true nature and strength, and at the end of the journey when you will witness the diamond that was formed because of all that pressure placed upon you, you will realize just how magnificent you are and wonder why you ever let the concerns of others stop you from being you. So while you're in your journey, just remember that its all a balancing act, and like Janelle Monae, you just have to keep tipping on the tightrope and dance up on those haters. Just know that whatever happens, you must always keep moving forward.
