Over the last few months, I've been telling myself that I was going to consciously change the way I live my life, and while evaluating my life from day-to-day I felt like I wasn't changing much, but life has shown me that I am completely wrong.
See a little over a year ago, I had my first gut wrenching break-up with the only boyfriend I ever had. And while I looked fine on the outside, I have to say it took a great toll on the past year. A year later feeling recovered but not yet willing to date, I realized in all honesty there was a reason to that.....I wasn't really recovered. My life was still in the process of getting back to me, and when I say that I do not mean an OLD me I mean a GROUNDED me. Over the past year in trying to do so I went natural (like I cut my hair off and am waiting for it to grow back chemical free), spent more time with family and friends, etc. But I still felt like something was missing. Now I've always considered myself spiritual but I could never "get down" with religion. We just never seem to get along quite well, but I've realized over the years that even though I can't stand religion, I love love love to learn about different ones and of course my favorites are Christianity and Wicca. But recently Christianity has been in the forefront, and that is probably because in the past few months I read two awesome books by Kathleen McGowan called the Expected One and the Book of Love, and I also read this awesome web series called Heaven's Descenders at www.godfire.net. Well anyways getting to my point I've done a lot of conscious changes in my everyday life. Trying to show more love to others, letting things go, meditating more, and all kinds of other things. Well like I said before, I kept feeling like nothing was changing until this Thursday the most amazing thing happened. And I know you could never guess so let me tell you what that was.
I WAS ROBBED! I know, I know, not the first thing you think of when you think of amazing but hear me out.
I was at a friends apartment, had been there all day and that night she invited friends over. I spent the night over there to watch another friend who was too drunk to function and when we decided to leave the next day, I realized my bag with my wallet and keys in them were gone. At first the whole thing felt surreal so that for the most part I was just irritated that I had been in my swimsuit for 24 hours and now couldn't get back in to my place to change, and that I was hungry and had no money to get food. Later it dawned on me that when they change the locks this will probably cost me $250 and I have to pay for the lockout, pay for a new school I.D. and state, and new debit cards and the such. I knew I would be looking to pay like a total of $400, and being a college student with no job I didn't know what to think, until I just didn't think. I stopped reacting, and my friends bought me food. I got dressed and went to an alpha party and had fun, and the whole next day all I did was watch movies, listen to feel good music, and pray. And my prayers were not frantic like "Oh God please help me I just don't know what to do, how could something like this happen to me." My prayer's were more like "God I am putting my faith in you to help me correct this. I will not worry about the money because I know it can be replaced. I live by the Lord's prayer and the fourth petal of it says 'and give us this day, our daily bread the manna' which means you will always provide for me. and I know that everything happens for a reason so I look forward to looking back to see what the reason was." And after every time I said that prayer, I played more music and danced and sang, and felt no stress or worry. It hit me then that all my hard work was paying off, and for once I was living from a grounded state. I'm not saying the process of getting back to me is over, but it sure feels good to know that I am so very close to achieving it, and with that I woke up this morning with a whole new perspective on life, and I have to say I can't help but smile.
Hopefully this post will help you if you read this to let go of the little things and always appreciate the good in life, and that whatever you do, have faith.
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